bearclaw!

The first memory that comes to mind took place one specific year, probably around 2010 if I had to guess. My family was going up to “the cabins” which must have been some place around Springfield, Ohio because that is where my grandparents lived. My dad is one of five siblings so there were five families arriving that afternoon. We each had separate little cabins which made it feel like we were all in the same little neighborhood. My sister and I would run around with our cousins to all the different cabins. One family even brought a full-sized Christmas tree and Wii. It was magical. The first night, I remember my mom making pulled pork. We opened our doors and invited everyone over to eat. People stayed for a while until another family went outside to start a fire. Then we all sat around the fire and laughed and caught up with each other. Either that night or the next, I had left the fire to go to bed. Apparently, as I was snug in my bed, one of my uncles fell into the fire and broke his arm. That sounds pretty tragic, and it was. To make matters worse, the water also stopped working which meant we couldn’t boil any water or flush the toilets, among other things. Us kids were still having a ball but my parents, and all my aunts and uncles, were less than pleased. The water was not scheduled to come back on any time soon so we made the choice to leave the cabins. We checked ourselves into a nearby Quality Inn. I’m fairly certain that we were the only guests in the whole place. The rooms we were staying in had direct access to a very large atrium area where there was a pool, ping pong, Foosball, and a ton of hiding spaces for epic games of hide and go seek. My cousins and I had the most fun in that big open space. I remember running around for hours. The pool was especially interesting. It was probably the most chlorinated pool I’ve ever come across which says a lot after having been a lifeguard for three years. It would bleach our swimsuits and we had to buy swim caps so that our hair didn’t break. That didn’t stop us from getting in though. I even remember making balloon animals in the pool. I was probably skilled enough to make a snake. Eventually we went to the big family Christmas party at my grandparent’s polo club and then headed back home with full bellies and a lot of fun stories.

Another thing that comes to mind is more recent. On Christmas eve, my mom’s side of the family always comes over to our house for dinner. When we were younger, there would be a “talent show” where all the cousins who were taking musical lessons would play Christmas songs on their various instruments. Over the years I heard many piano pieces, a few guitar numbers, a trumpet solo, and even some songs on the tuba. The most entertaining part would always be my grandmother singing along to the song as some kid struggled through playing it. The other grandma that was there was not nearly as pleasant or encouraging though. She often drank a lot of Jameson and one year she commented during the recital that it would be a lot more enjoyable if she liked kids. However, now that all the cousins are older, fewer play instruments and the talent show is not as big of a deal. So, to make up for lost festivities, my mom instituted the Christmas minute to win it challenge. For the games, we split into teams of six that are made up of people in all three generations. The teams often come up with fun names and chants and there is a lot of friendly competition among the family. Talk about a house divided (team snowflake forever!) Each member represents their team in one game, so you have to be strategic about who plays what. Then everyone else watches and laughs and takes pictures. It is genuinely hilarious to watch my grandparents try and get six pieces of penne onto a spaghetti noodle in their mouth without using their hands. So, that would have to be another memory that I really enjoy. Also, I am already anticipating next years competition because the first year we played, my team won but, this past year, we lost so I’m hoping to find my way back to the winning team next year!

The third and final thing that comes to mind is making our family Christmas cards. In this day and age, most families I know use a digital site to make their cards. My family however, does not. We typically spend a night sketching out the design for the front of the card. In the past we have done things like a nativity scene, a snowman, a tree, a dove, you name it. The design, however, must be something that can be done in one or two colors because my dad tapes off the design on the screen printer and screen prints each one by hand. Or, in the case of some years, he and I have been in charge of block printing the design. In either case, my sister and I are usually there to assist in finding a space for all the cards to dry. There have been some years when our basement is covered in drying cards.  Once they are all dry, we sometimes add a finishing touch, like the halo of an angel. We then glue a picture into each card, fold it, stuff it in an envelope, and address it. It is really quite the process and it takes a lot of time. There are definitely years when our cards do not reach their recipients before Christmas. It is a unique way of doing it, but I really enjoy it because it generally takes the whole family to get it done. It is an “all play”, as my parents would say. I also think it is special that our family and friends get something handmade from us, so I like that as well.

Well into the summer, I had two pretty consistent groups of friends, the other interns and the Crosspoint peeps. I felt like I was thriving and I really got to experience both Nissan and Nashville. My work team did some team building activities and I also got more familiar with coding when I was in the office. On the weekends I went to Cheekwood, ate at Hattie B’s, and had coffee at the Frothy Monkey. I also GOT TO SEE SO MANY AMAZING ARTISTS AT THE CMA FEST which was phenomenal and all I had to pay for was parking.

Also, as I spent more time with people, trust developed and I got to know them really well. We had conversations about faith and why we did or didn’t believe certain things. I was able to share the gospel in ways it hadn’t been communicated to some people before. This really taught me the idea of earning the right to be heard and the importance of showing up and supporting the people placed around you. And it just got sweeter from there.

During one of the last weeks of the summer, we had the Intern Summit. This is where all the interns get together to mingle and hear from executives. One of the executive told a story that really stuck with me. She was talking about her son and said that when he was younger, he was developing words and language very slowly. She took him to all sorts of doctors to get tested and the doctors determined that nothing could be done. But, there was also an intern in the room. She politely turned to the intern, and asked his opinion. He suggested trying occupational therapy. After a while of going to an occupational therapust, her son was developmentally on track with other kids his age. And I was almost in tears. The main point of the story was that interns have impact but the main takeaway that I heard was that Occupational Therapy matters. That was a God wink if I’ve ever witnessed one.

I should also note that we started at 8am and were done by 9 both nights. This made my commute super super awful so, luckily, my new friend Jenna let me stay with her in town. We watched the bachelor and ate peaches from the famous peach truck. It was lovely and we got along so well. I was beginning to find it ironic how I was becoming close friends with people I would have to soon leave. Moreover, that same weekend I saw another intern friend at Crosspoint! My worlds were colliding and it was so sweet. Somehow we had missed each other previous weeks but the timing was the Lord’s entirely! We got Mexican food after church and talked about faith, community, and school. We got to encourage each other and it was just what I needed.

The summer soon came to an end and I was sad to go. I genuinely loved the city (I will return, no doubt) and I am very grateful for my Nashville people. The whole journey was not easy, at times it was very difficult. I spent some Friday nights alone, got bored at work, struggled to find community that was not centered around bar culture, saw 47229465 too many bachelorette parties, and missed my people back home. But, it was also so so good. The Lord taught me a lot and showed up when I needed Him most. He provided so much to make it all possible, used books and podcasts to speak truth over me in the long car rides, taught me that in my loneliness He is enough, and placed people around me to pour into me so that I could turn around and pour into others. It was truly one of the best summers and my heart aches when I think about it. In a very good way.

If you want to hear more about it, lets grab coffee!

During my third week in Nashville, I walked into church. I had just started going to Crosspoint the week before but didn’t know anyone else there. However, I already loved it and knew that I would be able to find community. Quick note, Crosspoint was not the first church that I tried out. I had been to another church in Nashville and lets just say that not every church is perfect for every individual. And that is okay. Anyway, back to Crosspoint. I knew I liked it because the worship was phenomenal and the message was well executed. The first series I heard was called Trust Fall and it was such a sweet message about having a child like faith in our father God. But apparently I still had lots to learn about the church because the second weekend I went there, I had the time wrong and showed up 45 min early. I think I beat the welcome team. So I got stressed and made sure I looked preoccupied. I think I read every word on their bulletin boards.

As I was reading, I came across information for volunteers. I learned about the Kids ministry and saw that they would be having an event the following week. The event was called Big Gross Adventure. It appeared to be an innovative spin on a classic vacation bible school. I also saw that they were looking for volunteers. So, on the Sunday night before the week of Big Gross Adventure, I decided to volunteer. It was the very best decision.

During the week, I got to see so many kids encounter Jesus through messy games and laughter and their leaders who loved them well. I also made some friends that I hold very near and dear. Jordan was another volunteer who I would end up going to church with in all the remaining weeks. She spoke honestly and was on fire for the Lord. The other two girls that I got to know were actually the other leaders of my small group. Emily, Amanda, and I walked alongside third and fourth graders. We got covered in paint, and caramel sauce, and glitter. We saw kids jump into oatmeal, get covered in slime, and hear about Jesus. And for the rest of the summer we stayed in touch. We would eat dinner at Amanda’s house with her one year old baby and talk about what life looked like for us. We were all in slightly different stages of life which made it really special. These people were the community that I had craved.

Meanwhile, work was still happening. I was still living with my aunt and uncle who I was getting to know better. And then, just over halfway through the summer, I had some friends come to visit. They reminded me that I missed home more than I thought. We laughed a lot, ate cheap tacos from a super sketchy restaurant that I loved, watched Incredible’s 2 from the Titan’s football field, and saw some improv comedy. It was refreshing to spend time with these friends because I already knew them and they already knew me.

In slight contrast to the monotony and loneliness that I was feeling during those first few weeks on the job, the weekends often brought a bit more entertainment. I was in music city, for goodness sake. On my first weekend there I had zero actual friends and one potential friend. My one potential friend was the only other female working as an engineer at Smyrna. We initially bonded as many female engineers do when they find another one of their kind out in the wilderness. I just prayed that she had any social skills whatsoever because sometimes that can be a real hit or miss. Luckily, she seemed very sweet and we exchanged numbers. Julia and I ended up becoming good friends and spent many weekends exploring this city together.

That first weekend, Julia also introduced me to Erin who was an intern working at headquarters in Franklin. These two girls became my first sense of community here in Nashville. And, if I am being honest, it was one of the first times that I was in community with people who were not other Christians. The Lord for sure used these two girls to start showing me that I need to be more intentional with people who don’t share my faith. This led to some incredibly cool conversations and I loved getting to know these girls. We also had lots of fun together. We ate lots of ice cream and went paddle boarding and listened to music. At the end of that first weekend, I was grateful to have two friends.

The work weeks kept progressing and by the second or third week I was enjoying the work and the company of my fellow teammates. The men I worked with taught me a lot about rural life in the south. I have never had so many conversations about fishing and hunting and SEC football. They were sweet to welcome me into their group and they always showed me a great amount of respect. And then there was Cathy. Cathy was the only other female in the group and she totally took me under her wing. She is strong and caring and she keeps that place running. She encouraged me and spoke a lot of truth. Plus, she was a big Ohio State fan so that was an added bonus.

By the third week, the Talent Acquisition team began to have events for all of the interns around middle Tennessee. They would take us to local places around Nashville to volunteer for the day. I was able to meet other interns at these events who I did not get to see on a day to day basis. One person that I was hoping to meet was a girl named Brooke because Cathy had been mentoring her and spoke very highly of her. Luckily, I met Brooke at the very first thing and we were quickly friends. She is another Big 10 gal with a big heart and lots of spunk. As I got to know her better throughout the next few weeks, she became another part of my community. And I hope to meet her up in Wisconsin and watch my Purdue Boilermakers beat the Badgers!!

There were a few other interns that often attended these things and I enjoyed seeing them around. It was nice to interact with other people my age while also giving back. However, I was still lacking any sort of faith community. I so badly wanted to chat with people who could tell me how they saw God working in their lives. I wanted a friend who would get excited about speaking truth over one another. And the Lord answered that prayer in a big and gross way.

Okay, so we must start with the idea of provision. The Lord literally aligned the stars this summer to make it possible for me to be in Nashville. He provided a house, a car, and an income courtesy of Nissan and my extended family. The Lord knew that those were the things I needed to make this summer possible and provided because He is intentional and had me there for a reason. Quick note, provision has not always looked like this for me. Often times it is way more subtle, but I am grateful to witness to how He can make a way in this regard.

So, let’s back up. I was offered the job at Nissan last November, so the idea of my summer in Nashville had been on my mind for a while before I arrived. At the start, I was filled with lots of excitement but also a little bit of nervousness and some sadness because I would be away from my people. But I packed up and made the move knowing very little about anything that I was about to be getting myself into. I just prayed that the Lord would help me build community in a new place and bring clarity for my future. He did both those things, and a lot of other things too.

I knew I was working at a Nissan location near Nashville but I wasn’t sure exactly where. For all I knew, I was going to be working at the dealership down the road from my aunt and uncle. I never actually looked up the address of my office. Also, lets just take a minute to appreciate the fact that I thought the engineering part of the auto industry happened at the same location that the car is sold. Very false. I quickly learned that I would be working at the Smyrna plant. I pulled out my gps, as one does, and was surprised to see that the plant was an hour away from my aunt and uncles’ house. A fun commute, if I do say so myself.

Plus, I was totally surprised by what I was doing. I generally knew that I would be working with quality engineering but couldn’t tell you the first thing about that. My boss could have told me that I was going to be the crash dummy and I would have been like “yeah, that sounds about right”. As it turns out, I was not the crash dummy. Instead, I spent the summer working with recalls and dealer actions and campaign implementation. I can tell you more about it if you’d like, but I’m guessing that the majority of you already know more than you want to.

As the first few weeks rolled by, I was getting used to my job but was having a hard time finding friends so I struggled with a lot of loneliness. I went home one of the first few weekends to celebrate my sisters graduation and that brought a nice sense of familiarity, but I knew I would be heading back to Tennessee. The weeks felt very monotonous. I would leave the house just after 6am, work all day, and then arrive back at the house around 6pm to eat dinner, entertain myself for a few hours, and go to bed early so that I could do it all again the next day.

Hello Friends! Bear with me as I start this blogging dealio (pun intended)! This could be really funny and great or it could be lame and boring. That will be for y’all to decide.

Since this is my first entry, I’m planning to keep it short. To give you some background, I am currently living near Nashville and I need a new hobby. I have negative writing experience (except for what I learned in the catholic school system for 12 years) but I love to share thoughts, opinions, stories, etc. so I thought I’d take a crack at blogging.

This blog will contain lots of random things. That’s what the name Bearclaw! is allllllllll about. It can mean anything. What do you think of when you first hear me say “bear claw”? Personally, I think of the claw attached to a grizzly. However, I know people who think of yummy pastries and others who think of a severely underrated character on the show New Girl. It has as many meanings as this blog will have genres of content.

So, stick around if you dare… dun dun dun. JK, there’s no reason to fear. The one genre I stray far away from is horror. I prefer positivity and fun. If you’re more into horror I shall point you in the direction of my colleague Stephen King. Side note: this is lesson number one. If you write, call yourself a writer. Heck, have some confidence and call Stephen King your colleague.

Anyway, I guess it is about time that I just launch this thing and see where it takes us. May I be the first, and probably only gal, to welcome you to this space. You are loved here dear friend and I hope the words on this page will build you up and make you laugh. We are friends here and I am grateful that you are reading what I am writing.